We told everyone!

I'm pretty sure that over the course of 9 weeks, I had convinced myself that once we told the world that we were expecting, something bad would happen.

I'm a fairly private person (read: I will not be having a party with refreshments in the labor room while I'm birthing a baby) and I hate people worrying about me. So, the idea of having everyone know that I'm pregant worried me. Whenever I would think about the topic of announcing our pregnancy, I felt overwhelmed.

This is where my train of thought went:

As soon as I tell people, I will have a miscarriage and then have to untell people. Pretty much the worst case scenario. I couldn't stand the thought of this, but I couldn't stop thinking it. Which led me to think that...

We just won't tell anybody. It will be awesome! I'll just keep getting bigger and bigger and avoiding the topic altogether. We will have this secret and people will look at me and want to ask but then I will give them my deathstare. I will ignore anyone who has the balls to ask. But then, what if I run into someone from work while I'm shopping at Target and I have a bunch of baby stuff in my cart? I guess I can't go the whole 40 weeks without telling everyone.

Can I just avoid the topic on Facebook? Would that be terrible? But what if people start commenting on my page about it? Then my sweet great aunt will be hurt that she doesn't know and my ridiculous coworker does. This won't work.

So I guess we have to tell people. But when? I like having a secret. Let's try and hold out as long as possible.

This thought went out the window when I read on my March Bump board about all of the people who were announcing their pregnancies to their families and friends and coworkers. I started wishing that I could talk about it at work without having to isolate my friends that know. I started wishing that I could wear some of my clothing options that aren't the most flattering and everyone would know "She's not just fat, she's pregnant!" (well, at least those that know me. It's not like the random people at Target or the ACL festival know I'm pregnant. I'm pretty sure they just think I ate too much.)

So...we shared it with the world. And...the world didn't stop. My body didn't immediately go into reject-baby mode.

First, we called our grandmothers. Corey and I both have one grandmother and we called them both, and they were excited. I also called my Aunt who I'm closest to. Then, Corey sent an email out to his extended family. Everyone was so sweet and thrilled for us.

Next, I told my bosses at work. They were really excited and supportive. The next day, I announced it to the rest of my office. I was a little nervous. When one of us is out of the office, that means more work for everyone else. I had convinced myself that some people would be mad at me for leaving more work for them to deal with while I'm out on Maternity leave. So I sent my email (the best way to communicate with all of the people in my office at once) and waited . Then, I heard the sweet sounds of people reacting -- lots of oohs and ahhs, and then I got a barrage of emails and instant messages and people coming over to my desk to congratulate me. I realized that it felt really good to have everyone know. It's nice to have it as a secret, but it also feels really good to be out in the open.

When I got home that day Corey and I both posted on Facebook to announce our pregnancy with a picture of Lil Bun. Pressing the post button felt really nervewracking. But we experienced the same thing again--everyone was so sweet and happy for us.

Now I'm not so sure why I was so worried about in the first place. It seems like the silliest thing to want to keep it a secret or be worried that I will have a health issue because I told everyone. But I'm hoping you won't all think I'm crazy for sharing my feelings on the experience.

It feels good to come out with it! I've had this song in my head ever since we told everyone--I'm not sure exactly what it's about - it may be about being gay and coming out of the closet, or it may just be about going out on the town and having a good time. But it has a special meaning for me now and it makes me happy.

I'm coming out
I want the world to know
Got to let it show

Elizabeth